Strength to Survival: A Journey of Courage and Purpose 

The agony of Nomkhosi Msomi from Soweto overcoming impossible darkness to light after she was raped eight times! She suffered humiliation and societal judgement. 

Briefly share your painful journey as a Gender based violence Survivor? 

First Rape ordeal

Sis’ Mantoa, I was 16-years-old, at Grade 10. Our school hosted a concert. After our performance, my friend and I decided to change out our stage clothes at home before returning to the event. On our way to the concert, we took a shortcut near another school, and we met Sibusiso, a notorious gang leader who was feared within the community. He grabbed me by my clothes and dragged me.  I tried to run to the old woman who lived near the school. Unfortunately, the old woman chased me away and said, ‘Stop acting as if you don’t want sex, go back to your boyfriend’. Considering that he wasn’t my boyfriend, my hopes to escape faded. He slapped me, silencing my screams. He forcibly dragged me to a nearby classroom, located just before my school where the concert was being held. He roughly pulled my pants and placed me on the desk. He penetrated me so rough causing me to bleed. He had no mercy even when I told him that it hurts. Instead he said, ‘I have been wanting you all along, so today I have you’ I lost my virginity through rape.

After he raped me, I mistakenly thought the bleeding was just menstruation. The fear and shame prevented me from confiding in my Aunt.  I felt as if I was the one who had done something wrong. On Monday, when I went to school, the girlfriend of Sibusiso, accused me of seducing his man. Though the entire school knew my rape, yet they believed her version. Sis’ Mantoa, I was a virgin, unaware of the term ‘seduce’. This left me feeling isolated and victimised.

Second rape ordeal occurred at my neighbours’ home in the evening while watching TV. We were seated on the couch with a blanket. The neighbour, an uncle figure, fondled me under the blanket, inserting his fingers into my private organs. I didn’t recognise his act as sexual abuse. I confronted him in front of my Aunt, however, my Aunt dismissed it and declared that he is a good person incapable of such act towards young woman like me.

Third Rape ordeal, I was raped by my cousin, well-known Pastor, who manipulated me into believing it was love. He repeatedly raped me when my Aunt was away to work.  He would throw me on the bed and rape me. In 2020, I confronted him, but he denied it, and showed no remorse. My mother and other family members held a meeting, but he remained arrogant and said, ‘I don’t give a damn! Go and press charges, no one will believe you, you don’t have proof’. I was enraged. I stood up and splashed him on the face with a drink. I almost hit him with a glass until my Family restrained me.

Fourth rape ordeal occurred while I was staying with my mother in Orange Farm. I felt unloved as my mother used corporal punishment for no apparent reason when she comes from work. I decided to have a boyfriend. I was terrified of sex, but he forced himself on me. He said ‘You are my girlfriend and I have a right to make love to you’ On that day, I ended the relationship immediately.

Fifth rape ordeal happenned with another boyfriend who promised me comfort and protection. Instead, he exploited my vulnerability and ignored my fears of having sex. Even though I disclose my HIV status, still he raped me without using a condom. I ended the affair on the spot. I never confide in my mother, because she would beat me for coming home after 4pm from school, without even asking why I was late.   I felt a triple form of abuse: sexual, emotional, and at home, physical.

Sixth rape ordeal occurred with another boyfriend who promised to protect me from sex. Yet he raped me. Sis’ Mantoa, to all my boyfriends, I used to disclose my HIV status, still they will force themselves on me without using a condom. In 2024, I met my rapist and his wife. I confronted him, he apologised and justified his actions with zero remorse shown. He and his wife begged me not to press charges.

Seventh rape ordeal happened with boyfriend who disappeared and emerged out of the blue. He was angry to learn that during his absence, I had another boyfriend. He took me into his home, filled the bath with cold water, and ordered me to get in, intending to beat me. I refused. He then presented me with a cruel ultimatum and said,  ‘endure a brutal beating with a sjambok in the cold water or submit to sex’. I felt coerced and I chose sex.

Eighth rape ordeal happed within my marriage. After I matriculated, I returned to Soweto. My late husband who initially promised safety. I felt relieved and believed him because he married me. However, it was temporary as our marriage turned violent in just a few months. He started beating me daily for sex and other marriage related differences. His brutal beatings left my front tooth broken and led to my hospitalisation with fractured ribs. The other evening I was watching TV with my child, and he started to drag me to the bedroom. I resisted. He took a pepper spray and sprayed my eyes. I was partially blind. We went out both of us looking for water to ease the inflammation of the pepper spray in my eyes. When we came back to the house. Still he said, ‘I still want what I wanted before I sprayed your eyes’. I did not have a choice, I gave him. The spousal rapes persistent until his illness. Eventually, he died.  

After his passing, I dated again, but my ex- boyfriend attempted to rape me, I resisted. He then physically assaulted me, in defence, I hit him on the face with a brick. He bled and left to his sister. Apparently he went to the hospital and he pressed charges. I was arrested. On a Monday, he called me, apologised and withdrew the assault charges. We went back home; our relationship was normal until we decided to break up.

Sis’ Mantoa, I never found joy in intimacy since my first rape ordeal. This traumatic experience left me feeling ashamed, stripped of my dignity, and with a soul that feels murdered.

What resources or support systems were instrumental in helping you during your recovery?

I went to consult a Psychologist in Orlando clinic Soweto. She had a pen, paper, tissue, and her cell phone. She seemed distracted by her cell phone as she was constantly answering her messages during my session. Instead of providing counselling, she commented,  ‘Good you did not do stupid things to your rapists, otherwise you could have been in jail’. The session was over! I felt unheard, and my pain was invalidated, and I never returned.  The psychologists should employ assistance who are GBV Survivors. They should not limit the sessions into numbers but until the client is healed.

Have you encountered any challenges in seeking justice?

I never pressed charges due to fear of victim-blaming. I have heard from other survivors about the emotional trauma they faced at police stations. Questions such as what were you wearing? How long did it last? Given that my rapists were my boyfriends except the gangster who broke my virginity. I felt unsure and vulnerable.

Any specific achievements since overcoming gender-based violence?

I am a motivational speaker against GBV. I am doing poems and my services cost R1500. I also registered NPO and currently volunteering at another NPO.

In your opinion, are there any specific changes or initiatives you would like to see implemented within the justice system? 

The justice system should provide anger management to the families facing domestic violence before they could be arrested. I feel as if my side wasn’t heard, I was arrested for self-defence. The justice system should strive to mediate between couples before arresting them to ascertain the facts.

Recommendations

Sis’ Mantoa recommended counselling, but the client declined, citing a previous negative experience she had with a psychologist at Orlando Clinic in Soweto.