Broken but Unsilenced: Rising strong. The rape horror story of the virgin.
Mmakgotso Sekhu survived a traumatic horror rape. Her resilience and courage is captured in her book titled “Seed of my Self-Image”
Can you briefly share your painful journey as a Gender Based Violence (GBV) Survivor? .
It was about 4pm in 2013, strolling home with my friend coming back from the shops. Other pedestrians were also making their way along the path. As we reached a narrow shortcut near the informal settlement, bordered by bushes, we noticed a tall, skinny man following us. He pointed a gun on my head and ordered us to enter the bushes. We resisted, and suddenly he grabbed my braids, dragged me towards the bushes, and slapped me hard on my face. The clap was so intense that all I could see were stars and butterflies swirling around. He shoved me and I fell. As I lay there, he unbuttoned my jeans, and I was defenceless like sheep waiting to be slaughtered with the gun pressed on my head. He warned my friend not to scream; threatening to pull the trigger if she did. I felt severe pain when he was penetrating me. He had no mercy. I bleed, I felt the smell of his armpits. His bad breath! I felt as if my private organs were stinking. Sis’ Mantoa, my dream to become a Nun was shattered! I lost my virginity at 18 years through horror rape and at a gun point”
“Sis’ Mantoa, being a victim of rape I suffered nausea, vomiting, lack of energy due to the ARV’s that I was given at the Hospital. I was instructed to take them for seven days. Added to that, the depression I suffered was beyond any human comprehension. I cried myself to sleep. While my rapist walked free, probably targeting another victim”
Have you encountered any challenges in seeking justice?
“The lady police officer asked me what I was wearing? when I told her I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. She again asked me if that man wasn’t my boyfriend. I got a little emotional as I told her I literally just lost my virginity through rape. She shouted at me and said, ‘don’t give me an attitude, I’m not the one who raped you.’ I left the police station in anguish and sorrow covered with shame and self-blame. Sis’ Mantoa, until today the alleged perpetrator hasn’t been arrested. I say this because no one at the Rabasotho police station has ever contacted me, ever since I pressed charges”
What were some of the biggest challenges you faced during your recovery process?
“The trauma counsellor lady at Tembisa Hospital was frequently checking her text messages on her phone and texting, while I was telling her about my rape ordeal. She looked at me and said, ‘you should be grateful to be alive, other women get murdered or worse are gang raped’. This made me feel that my horror rape and emotional pain was invalidated. So, I shut-down, feeling that my rape pain had no weight than others.
What resources or support systems were instrumental in helping you during your recovery?
“My Priests at my Church gave me spiritual counselling which was very helpful during my difficult journey. Through God’s grace, I discovered the strength to forgive not only the person who raped me but also to forgive myself. This journey enabled me to free myself from the chains of trauma and find inner peace. However, I feel imprison by the rape ordeal. I am scared to walk after 6pm, considering that I am a health worker, it gets difficult to take night shifts”
Any specific achievements or milestones that you’re particularly proud of since overcoming gender-based violence?
“I couldn’t let the rape be the end of me, instead I drew strength from my horror rape ordeal. I knew I had to fight, I knew I was alive for a reason. So I wrote a book called “Seeds of My Self Image” . It was therapeutic. I also became a health care worker and I’m currently studying the final year Bachelor of Education (B.Ed) foundation phase. As an orphan, my end goal is to open an orphanage, give others hope for the future”
In your opinion, what improvement is needed within the justice system?
“The officials working in the justice system should strive to be empathetic and understanding. It takes a courage for the rape survivors to come forward and report the crime.”
Recommendations
Sis’ Mantoa referred Makgotso to the Social worker at YANA for trauma counselling. For book orders “Seeds of My Self Image” Contact +27 61 4294353.
