Brave Survivor: Turning Complex Tragedy Into Strength

Pinky’s (Not a real name) journey from trauma to motherhood is a powerful testament to resilience. Her story sheds light on the unseen consequences of gender-based violence (GBV), highlighting the path to recovery and the hope that emerges through strength and perseverance.

Briefly share your painful journey as a Gender based violence Survivor?

Pinky shared, her voice barely a whisper heavy with memory

“Sis’ Mantoa, I was only 13 when I came back from the girls’ cultural initiation school in Limpopo.” “My father was respected in our community, but he started abusing me in ways I didn’t understand at first. He began touching my private areas in ways that were not appropriate, and I believed it was his right as a parent, like he was checking if I followed the abstinence teachings from the school. For six years, until I finished matric, it became a terrifying routine.”

“ I was scared to speak out as he threatened me, and the pain of it all made me feel trapped. But over time, I realized it was wrong, Sis’ Mantoa. That’s when I started finding the strength to face it.”

Pinky confided, her voice trembling

“Sis’ Mantoa, my father stole my childhood”.

 “I was forced into a world no child should know, losing my innocence far too soon. I became isolated, lonely, and learned to lie to protect him, even blaming my brother to hide the truth. 

“After passing matric, I felt a wave of relief moving to Gauteng for university, finally escaping that home. I’ve forgiven my father, Sis’ Mantoa, but the pain lingers. Sitting near him, even on the same couch, still feels impossible.”

Pinky said the following,and her voice breaking

“Sis’ Mantoa, my first year at university felt like a fresh start, until one night shattered everything”. “My friend and I were walking back from a soccer match at the stadium when unknown men followed us. In a dark corner, they stole my sense of safety, violating me in a way that took my virginity. Their laughter at my pain echoed my worst memories, like history repeating itself. Consumed by shame and fear of judgment, I couldn’t tell anyone, carrying the weight of that trauma in silence.”

Pinky confessed, her voice heavy with pain.

“Sis’ Mantoa, the trauma still haunts me”. “I can’t escape the memories of that night; their presence haunt like a shadow, making me feel tainted. No matter how many times I bathe, I can’t wash away the sense of being unclean, as if the violation clings to me.”

What resources or support systems were instrumental in helping you during your painful journey?

Pinky shared, her voice trembling with grief.

“Sis’ Mantoa, when I felt sharp stomach cramps, my cousin took me to a doctor”. “The doctor exclaimed, ‘Congratulations!’ but I was stunned, not understanding her joy. She revealed I was pregnant, a truth tied to that unbearable night of violation. When I asked about ending it, she warned it was too risky at such an advanced stage. Giving birth tore through me; not just the physical pain, but an overwhelming sorrow that left me feeling suicidal.

“Carrying a child from that trauma ripped my soul apart, leaving me like a hollow shell, haunted by the pain. That child, though innocent, remains a constant reminder of my suffering, and I wasn’t ready to be a mother.”

“A hospital social worker offered therapy and support, but even her kindness couldn’t erase the unbearable truth of that conception.”

Was there any family support during your traumatic healing journey?

Pinky shared, her voice thick with emotion.

Sis’ Mantoa, when I told my mother about the baby, she was heartbroken, assuming I’d been reckless with boys. The doctor urged me to open up about what happened, so I poured out the pain of that unbearable night of violation. Seeing my mother’s anguish as she learned the truth gave me the courage to reveal another wound ; the years of abuse I endured at home from my father, a man our community trusted. My mother was furious and promised to confront my father, and in that moment, I felt both shattered and seen.”

Pinky shared, her voice thick with hurt.

Sis’ Mantoa, I believe my mother confronted my father, because he called me, accusing me of lying about the abuse. What truly haunts me is that despite everything, my parents remain together. It’s a bitter pill to swallow. I feel abandoned, feeling as though my mother’s priority over the pain I carried from my father’s actions. The weight of my childhood trauma haunts me, and her lack of support cuts deeper than I can bear.”

Have you encountered any challenges in seeking justice?

Pinky said, her voice heavy with distress.

“I couldn’t bring myself to press charges against my father because my mother didn’t support me. It felt like she loved him more than me, believing his story over mine. The person who raped me got away. My eyes were blurry with tears during the rape, so I didn’t see his face clearly. I really wanted to press charges, but I had no proof. The only evidence I had was the unwanted pregnancy, which was a result of that horrible rape. Back then, I didn’t know about DNA tests that could find and identify the person.”

Any specific achievements since overcoming gender-based violence?

“I was studying for a Bachelor of Law degree, but after a traumatic experience, I struggled to cope and eventually dropped out. To support myself and my child, I found a job in retail. However, I recently discovered a new passion for Psychology and I’m now planning to pursue a career in this field. I believe that studying Psychology will not only help me heal my own emotional and physical scars, but also enable me to support others who have gone through similar experiences.”

In your opinion, are there any specific changes or initiatives you would like to see implemented within the justice system? 

“If the justice system were stronger, I don’t believe I would have been raped. Perpetrators have no fear of the law because they know they can get away with violating women. I strongly suggest we strengthen the justice system. We need to create a culture where those who commit these horrendous acts are held accountable, and where survivors are fully supported and believed.” 

Sis’ Mantoa has been encouraging the client to receive counseling. However, the client has refused, stating clearly that counseling won’t erase the fact that she conceived a baby through sexual assault.