Rising Above The Ashes: Unbreakable Spirit of Strength and Resilience

Mimi Lephoko’s story is a powerful example of resilience and survival. She endured three gunshot wounds to the back from her late husband, whose jealousy and insecurities led to her disability. Throughout their marriage, Mimi faced emotional, mental, and verbal abuse.

Can you briefly share your painful journey as a GBV Survivor?

Sis’ Mantoa, I married my husband when I was 22. We rented a place in Vosloorus township until my employer helped me secure a mortgage, allowing us to buy a house in Rondebult suburb. My late husband was a self-employed car mechanic and owned a licensed firearm. He was very antisocial, while I loved being around people. Whenever I went out to socialize with friends, he accused me of being unfaithful. I joined a women’s burial society to connect with others, but he banned me from attending meetings or traveling for funerals, claiming I was cheating. Eventually, I stopped going out altogether. I felt depressed, trapped, and oppressed in my own home. I even avoided going to malls alone. When we went together, I’d run into old classmates or coworkers and greet them, but he’d accuse me of flirting. His intense jealousy and insecurities took away my independence. Sis’ Mantoa, I felt like I wasn’t the right woman for him.

Sis’ Mantoa, he would give me the silent treatment, refusing to eat the meals I cooked, leaving me to guess what was wrong; only to find out it was always his jealousy and insecurities. I suspect he struggled with the fact that I bought our house on my own, something he couldn’t do because of his irregular income as a mechanic. Whenever I tried to talk about our marital problems caused by his jealousy, he’d jump to conclusions, believing his own suspicions without listening to me. He even threatened my life, but I dismissed it as just anger, not realizing how serious it was.

Sis’ Mantoa, one day there was a protest at my workplace, and I forgot my phone at home. My colleagues were sending voice notes and calling me because they couldn’t find me during the protest. Meanwhile, my husband was going through my phone, listening to every voice note from my coworkers. When I got home, he was furious, accusing me of cheating again.

Sis’ Mantoa, we got into a long argument, with me trying to explain that the voice notes were just from my colleagues, but he wouldn’t believe me. I went to take a bath, and while I was in the bathroom, I heard my dressing mirror shatter. He was destroying everything in the house, using a knife to slash my expensive couches and the furniture I had worked so hard to buy.

Sis’ Mantoa, I stayed calm, terrified for my safety. The next morning, I quietly packed a toothbrush and some underwear in my handbag and left to stay with my parents. While I was there, he would call, pretending to apologize, only to threaten me again in the same breath.

Sis’ Mantoa, one day he called me about a leaking geyser at the house. I asked him to send pictures so I could file an insurance claim, but he refused. That pushed me to visit the house myself, bringing some friends along for support. When we got there, he wasn’t home, and I was shocked to find he’d changed the locks, locking me out of my own house; the one I was still paying the mortgage for. I decided to leave a note, but just as I started, he showed up. We moved my friends’ car to make room for him to park. He opened the door and tried to force me inside, but I resisted.

Sis’ Mantoa, we started arguing, and I suggested an amicable divorce, saying we could avoid lawyers if we both agreed. But he was furious and snapped, “You think you’re clever, huh?” Then he grabbed his gun and hit me on the head. I screamed. My friends quickly called my father for help. My neighbour urged us to call the police, seeing that my husband was holding me hostage in the yard. Afraid that sirens would make him even angrier, I pleaded with my neighbor not to call them.

Was there any family support during your traumatic healing journey?

Sis’ Mantoa, my parents often tried to help us build a healthier marriage, but my husband refused to open up about his feelings or concerns. Their efforts to intervene didn’t work. On the day of the shooting, my father was the first to arrive after my friends called him. He tried to calm my husband down and reason with him, but it was no use. As I ran toward my father’s car to escape, I heard my husband load his gun. He shot me twice in the spine, and I collapsed on my stomach. He fired a third shot, and I passed out, making him think I was dead. My father and friends fled in fear. Even though I was unconscious, I could still hear everything around me. Then he turned the gun on himself, took his own life, and died instantly. 

What resources or support systems were instrumental in helping you during your recovery?

Sis’ Mantoa, my neighbours called an ambulance, and I was rushed to the hospital. I underwent emergency surgery to remove the bullets from my spine. I was in a coma for eight days, and during that time, my family and friends celebrated my birthday on January 18th. I woke up on January 21st, the same day my late husband was being laid to rest

Sis’ Mantoa, when I woke up, I couldn’t feel my legs; they were completely numb. The doctor told me the heartbreaking news that I’d never walk again because the bullets had severed nerves and caused the loss of spinal fluid. At first, I didn’t react, which surprised my family and friends. The reality sank in three days later when a nurse was changing my diaper and bathing me. I cried uncontrollably from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. My aunt tried to comfort me, but I was beyond consolation. 

Sis’ Mantoa, I was referred to a psychologist but only went to two sessions because I felt it wouldn’t change my reality. Over time, I came to terms with my situation and never looked back. Three months later, I was discharged from the hospital and insisted on returning to work. My workplace welcomed me back, embracing my disability. Nine months after that, I decided to return to my home in Rondebult, where I still live today.

Was there any reaction from the justice system after your traumatic experience?

Sis’ Mantoa, the police came to my home to return my late husband’s gun, saying it was standard procedure. I refused to take it and told them to surrender it to the State instead.

Any specific achievements since overcoming gender-based violence?

Sis’ Mantoa, I’m the co-founder of Bring Change In Me, a non-profit organization dedicated to raising awareness, promoting skills development, empowering communities, and advocating for disability rights. I’m also an inspirational speaker, sharing my story to motivate and uplift others.

Any opinion or anything else you would love to share/comment?

Sis’ Mantoa, I urge women not to ignore the warning signs of an abusive relationship or dismiss threats. Death threats are real and should never be taken lightly. Women shouldn’t stay in marriages or relationships that leave them crying themselves to sleep. No one should remain in a relationship where their self-esteem is constantly torn down.

Need reliable hosting and a domain? Sign up here — through our referral link — and for website development, contact us at Conversations with Sis’ Mantoa.