From Zimbabwe to South Africa:  Brave And Courageous Escape from Domestic Abuse

Meet Sindi Mkhize, a courageous Zimbabwean woman of Ndebele heritage, who bravely escaped an abusive marriage and sought refuge in South Africa. Her journey inspires others to seek help and reclaim their lives.

Sis’Mantoa, I experienced the pain of loss when I lost my parents to Zimbabwe’s political instability. My grandmother selflessly raised me, but I had to drop out of school to care for my younger siblings. At 23, I met my partner, and we started dating. He became my husband after paying ilobolo, as is our cultural tradition. When I was 24 and pregnant with twins, we moved in together, and he provided financially, while I focused on motherhood. However, raising twins alone, without my mother’s support, was overwhelming. The challenges of caregiving and finding employment seem tough.

But when my husband came home from work, he didn’t care. He demanded sex, regardless of my fatigue emanating from caring for my baby twins alone. For years, I thought it was normal for a husband to force himself on me. I didn’t realise I was being raped. This nightmare continued until I became pregnant again. So, my ex-husband raped every day until I fell pregnant again while my baby twins were still young. Between 24 and 26, I had three children. The spousal rapes took a toll on my body and soul.

My ex-husband’s infidelity began, marked by numerous affairs with several women. Some women would even confront me to declare their illicit affair with my ex-husband. I suppose I was not looking beautiful any longer as I was consumed by motherly duties. When he comes home after his infidelity, I would confront him about his infidelity, instead he would beat me. The beatings became a daily ritual, worsening on payday weeks. They were brutal, vicious and left me severely bruised. My hands and arms would swell and become numb, making it impossible to hold my babies when breastfeeding.

Every time he returned from his affairs, he’d accuse me of cheating. But, Sis’Mantoa, where would I have found the time? My young children consumed every moment, leaving me exhausted.

I left my children with my grandmother in 2016 and fled to South Africa. I came to South Africa with nothing! I found a job as a domestic worker. I worked hard saving the money so that I can fetch my children. My children’s living conditions, compared to mine in South Africa, were unpleasant. By 2018, I’d saved enough and brought them to South Africa, leaving hardship behind.

Sis’ Mantoa, my marriage experience has left me with a deep-seated fear of sex and relationships. It has eroded the entire intimacy feelings.

Was there any family support during your traumatic journey?

Every time he beat me, I’d call his mother, hoping she’d intervene. But instead, she’d take his side and fail to reprimand him. Her response was always: “You are the woman, you should persevere, there is nothing wrong in your marriage.

What resources or support systems were instrumental in helping you during your painful journey?

I never sought counselling or medical help. Fear of his arrest kept me away from the clinic. But what held me back most was the thought of losing our livelihood – who would provide food for my children? Sis’ Mantoa, I am still suffering from the internal scars which I need to work on them.

Have you encountered any challenges in seeking justice?

I did not press charges. He was a breadwinner. Another factor is that I was scared of my Mother in-law that he would rebuke and cast me away with my young babies. I prioritised my stomach, and children’s well-being over seeking justice.

Any specific achievements since overcoming gender-based violence?

I am renting a double garage in Tembisa. I am happy with my three children. My work as a domestic worker pays well. I earn R300 per day and it is enough for me and my kids. This is a big milestone for me Sis’ Mantoa, as back home in Zimbabwe I was going to be poor and unemployed.

In your opinion, are there any specific changes or initiatives you would like to see implemented within the justice system?

Sis’ Mantoa, I don’t know anything about the law or justice because I never had an encounter with the justice system.  

Recommendations

Sis’ Mantoa recommended a counselling referral. However, the client hasn’t confirmed her availability due to the nature of her work.