Betrayed By Trust: Confronting The Hidden Scourge Within The Family

The Story of Amogelang Kgošigadi Makamedi, unmasking the truth and breaking the silence. Her adversity, courage, trauma and triumph are poured in her book titled ‘Her Short, Yet Long Journey’

Briefly share your painful journey as a Gender based violence Survivor? 

Sis’ Mantoa, I was 17 and in matric when my mother passed away. I wasn’t myself. I’d sometimes hallucinate, seeing my late mother. I went to therapy, but when I returned, my father had a new woman in his life, and I felt uneasy staying with them. So, I moved in with my uncle, who had also lost his wife.

I trusted him completely, like a father. He was close to my late mother and had a big house. I was vulnerable and trusting.  I slept in one bedroom with his children, sharing a bed. I was next to my uncle, with his daughter on one side and his other child on the other.

In September, during my preliminary exams, his behaviour changed. He started touching me inappropriately, grabbing my hand to touch his private parts. I’d move closer to his daughter to escape. But he persisted, even trying to force himself on me. He couldn’t, as I was a virgin, so he used his fingers instead.

My cousin, his daughter, saw everything and switched places with me to sleep between us, protecting me. Still, he demanded I sleep next to him. I refused and moved to another room to study for my exams. He followed me and slept there, but didn’t touch me. Perhaps fearing I’d scream. This trauma shattered me, yet I still loved my uncle and his children.

Was there any family support during your traumatic healing journey?

I reported the incident to my teacher at school, but she refused to help, saying she’d lose her job if she got involved in family matters. I was crushed. I turned to my aunt, who believed me at first. 

Our family held a meeting, but my uncle twisted my words, convincing them I was lying. He blamed my accusations on my mental health struggles and depression after my mother’s death, saying they couldn’t trust someone who’d been in therapy. 

My pain and trauma were dismissed, leaving me emotionally abandoned and neglected. My family said if I’d been abused, I could’ve left my uncle’s house for my father’s. But Sis’ Mantoa, I was so vulnerable. My uncle was my only comfort, even as he abused me. How could I leave someone I saw as a father? Worst of all, my cousin, who saw everything, protected her father and denied it all, deepening my pain and trauma.

What resources or support systems were instrumental in helping you during your recovery?

In 2018, I broke down and went to a psychologist for therapy. I was desperate for help. But the psychologist offered no emotional support. I poured out my pain in sessions, but instead of guiding me toward healing, she just said, “Go home and write a journal.” Sis’ Mantoa, I was already journaling every morning after my uncle’s abuse. Why couldn’t she see my hurt?

I stopped therapy because my pain and rape trauma felt dismissed, like I was invisible. So, I went alone to a clinic to check my HIV status. Thankfully, I tested negative, but fear and shame kept me from telling the nurse about the abuse.

Have you encountered any challenges in seeking justice?

No, I never pressed charges against my uncle. I felt sorry for my cousins who would grow up without a father. So, I waited until they finished matric. After my graduation, I called a family meeting to seek advice on pressing charges against my uncle. But a relative, who was a police officer, discouraged me saying,  ‘It is over three years now…this thing happened when you were 17, no one will take you serious especially you don’t have a rape kit and proof’. 

I showed them proof of my text messages to his daughter, where I complained about his father’s behaviour, yet my relative confirmed to me that no one will believe me. I was young and defeated. I let it go, feeling the justice system would never stand by me.

Any specific achievements since overcoming gender-based violence?

I host Talks through my Non-Profit Organisation Fundi Youth Development in libraries, shelters, to young women who are facing a similar experience. After I graduated, I found a job in the government. I wrote a book to share my trauma. In it, I poured out my grief from losing my mother and the sexual abuse I suffered from my trusted, loving uncle.

In your opinion, are there any specific changes or initiatives you would like to see implemented within the justice system? 

I strongly believe the justice system fails rape survivors like me. Why is a rape kit required? I didn’t have one, nor did I know what it was. The justice system should believe victims even without a rape kit. What does it take for the system to trust us? Rape often happens behind closed doors, by trusted people. Can the system believe survivors when we report years later?

 Sis’ Mantoa, as a young survivor of sexual abuse, I didn’t know who to turn to. Only later did I learn about the justice system and its potential to help. I hope it changes to support survivors like me.

Recommendation

 Sis’ Mantoa referred her to AbafaziPhambili Psychologist for emotional support.